Meet Fatima

Abusive Relationships

Chapter one.

Every village has that "IT" girl that every guy wishes to have and every girl wish they looked like. I come from a very calm village in Limpopo and I was that girl. I never met my dad and I don't even know him or anything about him so I guess my mom is another case of virgin Mary because I never even got presented with the chance of having a step daddy. My mom hates men with her all and I never got to find out why. As a little girl I lived with my grandmother who also never got married so it's a home of single parenting from generation to generation.  My mom had me when she was just 18 years old so most of my life she was away at college. I have more memories with granny than her.  I'd hear from other kids at school that my father was an Indian guy who owned a shop in the village years back and soon as my mom fell pregnant he packed his things,shut the shop ,left and never returned. I don't know if there's any truth in that and I guess I'll keep wondering since mommy dearest will never ever discuss such topics with me.

But sometimes I suspect that there might be some truth in the story because my second name is Fatima. One kid at school who's mom happens to be very close to my mom told me that his mom told him that my dad dissapeard when I was 5 months old and he named me Fatima.I still struggle to believe his story because he had a massive crush on me and i think he made up the story just to win my heart or should i say to unzip my pants perhaps . It's on my birth certificate but I dare you to call me that infront of my mom,she will skin you alive. My mom is the quiet type but she will give you a mouthful if you dare call me by Fatima. I didn't ruin her future like most teenagers who's future colapses soon after falling pregnant, fortunately she's a successful Dentist at Pretoria.  Fast forward to my teen life when adolescent took over my life.

Affected by Hiv&Aids!

Hiv&aids hit home.

It's been years since I've known about this virus but I have never been really affected. I would wear the Red Ribbon on World Aids day but I'd be wearing it just to show support that wasn't really from the depth of my heart. I'm not saying I never cared because I did but I never really understood how much wearing the ribbon mean to people infected and affected by the disease. I'm convinced I'm not the only one who took it lightly. There are people who are not infected but affected who go an extra mile than most of us. I had a neighbour who lost her parents through the disease and she was extremely sensitive when coming to this topic. She worked during the week as a teacher then on weekends she would volunteer at the local clinic to help with Hiv&Aids patients. I didn't understand why she would go there and torture herself that much because all those people there were reminders of how her parents suffered.

I didn't understand until it hit home. My sister fell ill one day and we thought it was just flue but it got worse day by day. The HIV symptoms were all there but we decided to ignore it. She was losing weight,losing appetite,losing hair and her skin was darkening. Eventually walking became hard and she would easily get tired and sweat at night.  She stopped going to work, she didn't go to the clinic immediately because she took her illness to her pastor at church. She thought she would be healed from church. Months passed by and she was getting worse,we were losing her. A year later she went to the clinic and tested positive.

She couldn't believe her ears and eyes and not even counseling helped. From the day she found out she couldn't sleep at night. In her mind she was already dead. She started taking her ARV's but it worsened her situation. She now couldn't hold her bladder so she would pee on herself and next thing she started messing on herself aswell. Her appetite went away completely and her eye sight reduced. One morning she woke up to no voice and sight. We were all scared and rushed her to the local hospital,she got admitted and died a day later.

She found out her status much,much later when the ARV's wouldn't have been of help anymore. The lesson in all this is that we should all get tested   every three months and know our status always. Don't forget to condomise because prevention is better than cure.

Mokamole my Home.

I'm a village girl.

I'm a proud village girl,a lot of people don't believe it when I say I'm a village girl from Limpopo. I come from the village that's surounded by the most beautiful mountains. So beautiful that we even named them, Segolotlou and Phatsane. To visitors these are just stunning mountains but to the villagers these are part of us.  A sandy village that potrays peace and love. I find myself lost in beautiful thoughts as I walk in the bushes, when hunger strikes I don't yell for mom,I just look on the right and there I find Mahlatswa and I bow down to the soil on my left hand side I'm embraced by dithetswa and I know that I am home because the bushes will never let me starve. My feet starts swelling a bit and I was embraced by the flowy river of Mokamole where I put my feet in to cool down,nature massaged my feet.  I stopped next to the mmupudu tree and had three and I smiled all the way home just because mmupudu will force a smile out of a grumpy soul because it is a happy fruit from the happy village.

Ke kgatla matepe ka sepedi sa gešo when I'm at what is known to be the city of Gold. They ask why I'm not dark skinned if I'm really from Limpopo and I just walked away just because koko told me that there is beauty in silence. When I speak English they ask where I learned it. My heart says brag about the beautiful schools we have back home but my brain says myemyela and walk away. Walk into Gauteng varsities and I promise you village soul from Limpopo will feel at home because you will hear mostly the languages that you are familiar with, your pedi,your venda and your tsonga. Come now village girl don't be too dull walk into a club for just a piece of mind and you will be embraced by their xhosa,tswana and zulus. It's a nice place to be but don't forget why koko sent you to Gauteng. She and Rakgolo were once Domestic helpers there but you are there as a future somebody. Don't go back home empty handed because sassa will never be enough to buy you dreams that only money can buy. Stress less about finding a job when you are done with your studies most Gauteng people are no threats.  They are all talk but no action.

Diabetes

Living with Diabetes.

So most people think it's easy living with Diabetes and it's really not. I have an aunt who's been living with this chronic disease for over 20 years now. I've lived with her and I've seen how difficult life really is for her. Diabetes is a chronic disease meaning it can't be healed but it can be managed. Most people plan their own funerals once they are diagnosed with the illness. It's not as bad as it seems, Diabetes is a disease that limits you from sugary things,I think it's been said that those with diabetes have an abnormally high level of sugar. They have more sugar than needed in their systems.

I asked my aunt if she ate a lot of sweets as a child because I needed to prevent getting it in future. And her answer left me astonished,she doesn't have a sweet tooth and she never did. She wasn't a sugary things person. I was curious and asked how come she got it then,she told me it's not contagious but it's most certainly hereditary. She inherited it from her great grandmother and it's possible that her great grand kids might inherit it from her since all her kids are tested negative from it.
It scared me a little when she added that even I could get it or my kids could get it since we are all blood relatives.

How she manages Diabetes.
She's a type 1 diabetic and she relies on injections on a daily basis to sustain it. She uses an injection called Apidra to reduce her sugar level and it also provide glucose to her as a person with diabetes have little glucose in their system,if she eats too much then she has to inject herself with Apidra to keep her sugar levels balanced.  Apidra and Actraphane do the same jobs. Then there's Lintel which she's not certain what it does to her body but she was told it's a necessity and she inject her self once a day as soon as she wakes up. She relies on this two to keep her sugar levels balanced.

Diabetes is not a death penalty it can be managed. Don't be afraid.

Lose the baby fat.

Losing baby fat.

I'm in my mid 30's. I had my first baby when I was just a teen. I always heard older women complaining about gaining weight after giving birth but as a teen after two months of giving birth I went back to my petite figure without putting any effort. Well my grandmother forced me to tie a doek around my tummy real tight two days after giving birth because she believed it would help flatten the tummy. What she didn't know is I'd only tie it in her presence,I didn't like how uncomfortable it would feel. I gave birth and went back to my normal size without any hustles. My aunt believes it's because it's my first baby and most first time pregnancies don't do much damages or changes to the body.

Five years later I fell pregnant again and after giving birth I couldn't get off the baby fat. I had more stretch marks and my belly wasn't going back to its normal size. I then realised that body changes caused by pregnancy comes with ageing. I breastfed my baby a lot as my Doctor said it would help with losing weight. Sadly I couldn't go on any kind of diet while breastfeeding because I needed all the food I can get to be able to have enough milk. But what I realised was breastfeeding actually helped me not gain anymore weight from all the large amount of food I was indulging in. I stopped breastfeeding when my baby was two and I realised that the baby fat wasn't going anywhere. Yes, breastfeeding did help with not gaining more weight. I then joined a gym near my town and explained that I was there to lose the baby fat. My dietician gave me a diet plan specifically for losing baby fat and it helped a lot.

I went back to my normal body size slowly but surely. One thing that helped even more is mint leaves and lemon water. I don't drink normal water anymore I rely on that. I boil 5 litre of water with fresh Lemons and fresh mint leaves then leave it to cool and put it in the fridge so I drink it everytime I'm thirsty. It didn't only help with my weight but it gave me a radiant skin aswell.

Clean and Odourles vagina.

How to keep a clean and odourles vagina.

Every woman loves smelling good,we love the scents of everything rosey and it's easy to keep clean and smelling great but now it's always every woman's dream come true when the vagina is odourless. The problem is sometimes we go all out for an odourless vagina that we end up destroying the bacteria that the vagina needs. A vagina doesn't need artifical fragrances to make it smell good,artifical ingredients kills the bacteria that helps with the odourless smell. And sometimes wiping the wrong way does cause a bad smell. After using the toilet one must wipe the vagina the right way to avoid causing infections (from front to back).

There are products which are meant to make your vagina smell good but truth is some of those products are the reason why you will get a bad smell in the vagina especially if it isn't made of silicon. There's also a diet that helps with improving a good vagina smell. Plain yoghurt dies wonders on the vagina,it can also be smeared on the vagina if you have yeast. I've also read somewhere that a pineapple can also help with improving the odourless vagina although it's not scientifically proven. When bathing it's always wise to use baby soap or just water to wash the vagina.  High in fragrance soaps can cause infections leading to uncomfortable odours down there.

If you want to add that special fragrance stick to natural smells such as vanilla smells and if you want to add that attracting smell down there then I say you can spray your preferred fragrance in between your thighs about 6 inches away from the vagina. Do not to wear underwears that fits right and breath. The most important of them all is to shave or keep the public hair short and bath daily. Never ever wear the same underwear for more than 24 hours.

Teen sex!

Teen sex.

Sex is definitely fun and something human nature can't ignore. Who doesn't love sex? Hahaha thought as much(No one) unless you are a virgin. Sex is not just fun it is emotionally and physically satisfying. It's been said that people who have sex a lot are often the happiest. If you see a grumpy married couple then you should know that the sex life is rocky. Sex can release any tension or anger from the brains anyday. As fun as sex is, its risky and sometimes the few minutes of pleasure can leave you with lifetime consequences.

Practising safe sex can lead you to a life full of good and healthy sex. When coming to teenagers,I wish they could wait just a bit before they get sexual because they make a whole lot of mistakes when coming to sex and sometimes ruin their lives permanently. Am I the only one who realises that teenagers are more scared of falling pregnant than our STD's and STI's?  A while back I worked in a pharmacy in town and most teenagers would buy more morning after pills than condoms. I have a teenage niece my self so I decided I want to play a trick on her so I can understand something. I sent her to buy me a pack of condoms and she refused bluntly,I asked her why she won't buy them because they are not even heavy and her answer shocked me..."it's embarrassing to buy condoms,everyone will think you sleep around "she said. I decided not to ask any further questions and left. A month later I sent her to buy me morning after pills and she took the money with a smile,I asked her if she isn't scared of being judged and she said "not at all,we don't want to end up with unwanted babies". I'm still shocked till this day. How does that even work? Babies can be blessings and Diseases are life time curses.

This then made it clear to me that teenagers aren't mature enough for sex but since we can't stop it from happening the least we can do is educate them as much as we can.

He married the side chick!

Is it OK to attend your ex's wedding?

It's totally okay to attend an ex lover's wedding,they say. I totally disagree...why would you want to put yourself through that? It doesn't matter if you have moved on or not. Well maybe it depends on individuals but truth of the matter is its a bad choice. Imagine it's time for vows and your ex then says "you are the best thing that's ever happened to me" lol gosh but that's the same thing they used to tell you except for that in this case they mean it because they are actually marrying the person. I once attended my ex boyfriend's wedding and when a speech about how long they have been together happened,I then realised that they started dating the time I was also in the pic.

I felt like the Devil was testing my patience.  I just wanted to leave but It would have made everyone think that I still wanted him back. Most people there knew that I was that ex that got away and he was that for me aswell. Tears were nearing my cheeks so I had to fake a smile so I'd lie and say they are tears of joy. I have a son with this guy that was tying the knot and we had a neutral relationship since we were Co-parenting.  But the moment I found out that he chested on me with the girl he was marrying I knew then that I wanted nothing to do with him anymore.

Had I not gone to the wedding then him and I would still be cool. I wouldn't have found out about him marrying the other woman. But now I want nothing to do with him and I don't want him anywhere near my son. 

My body is worth more than free drinks!

Free drinks in clubs gives free pass to my body?

Horny drunkards clearly don't know the value of a woman's body.
I'm yet to find out why men think buying ladies a few drinks in a club gives them access to their bodies for the night. I was chilling with my girls one night at a club somewhere in Pretoria. Well one of my girls just got dumped so it was a "pick her up" kinda outing.  We opted for the VIP section since we weren't in the mingle monga mood. So while we there looking all pretty and single, a group of fine Nigerian men walked in the Vip section and they looked monied.  So ja, men were the last thing on our minds because we were there because we were drinking away the heartache they brought to our circle.
They kept on looking our way and it was hard to miss that they were hella fine.

Eventually the waiter then brought to our table the second bottle of the Jameson we ordered and a Moet bottle.  I was ready to go all Jackie Can on him because it was mid - month and we were on a tight build get night and he said these are drinks from the Gentlemen on the corner table. We all turned to look and they raised their glasses. Oh wow thank you we said as we raised our glasses.  Moet?  We whispered and giggled, everyone knows that anyone who can afford Moet is a Top shayela kinda being. As we were still enjoying our free drinks,we saw them walk towards our table and damnit they had the "Gentlemen walk". They all walked the same,rhythmically so.

US being girls,we were asking each other if our hair and make up looked fine. They introduced themselves and I swear their colognes smelled of Dollars nje! I had far too many drinks by then so to me their names were "IGWE and OGAR". We enjoyed their drinks and what company but the club was about to close so we decided we gonna leave before the stumpede takes over. The Nigerian company offered us a ride whom little did they know that we had our own ride...We are grown ass independent  women not broke students.  We told them we have our own rides and they asked which hotel are we meeting.  Me being the easily annoyed and angered one then said "The never hotel" and we walked away. It passes them off and they followed us with insults telling us to give back their drinks.  They made a huge scene and we were rescued by the police. Guys need to know that not every girl has exchange rate motives...you buying booze out of your own free will I ain't going to give you my body over that. Buy it don't buy it I'm still going to leave the club drunk so please!

single parenting!

Opinions on baby mamas and Baby Daddies!

my half cent opinion

Unless you are a single parent then I urge you to hold on to your opinion on this matter just until you have your own kids. I'm not saying your opinion doesn't matter,I'm just saying this is a very sensitive matter and while you are voicing out your opinions about such matters you must keep in mind that there are kids involved.  It's okay for baby daddies to do as they please in our society. They can get drunk every weekend and be seen with different women every single day and the society will see nothing wrong with it. But if the baby mama gets down with all that then she will be the best labelled human being in the world.  I've learned that when coming to single parenting the mother needs to be the better parent if the other parent is a wild chase.

Growing up I looked more upto my mom than my dad...He was a very hands on dad and I was his little princess. I loved him endlessly but somehow I expected flaws from him. Seeing him drunk was okay but I swear it would have been the shock of my life had I ever seen my mom drunk. I always hear people saying children are what you raise them to be...I believed the saying until i was of a certain age. See, my mom doesn't drink but I do...she has never went to clubs or tarvens but at a certain point in my life I went to those.  We are not what our parents raised us to be but we are influenced by what goes on in the society.

My mother didn't have children out of wedlock...she got married first then had kids after yet I'm a single parent. If you lose a father that has always been there for you at a young age then you grow up embarking to find a man that has a side which reminds you of your dad just to restore the joy daddy gave you before he went away, I'm living proof. Single mothers shouldn't do what run away dad's are doing just to prove a point of joy to the society and the man that got away. Do what genuinely makes you happy and make your kids a priority above all. Don't talk ill of the father to his kids because you are instilling the hate game in their head and that could ruin them forever. Do your part of parenting as best as you can and stay out of the baby daddy drama. God has blessed you with the most precious gift and that's a full time job that rewards in the purest joy and love.